Basketball Fiend

Posts Tagged ‘Michael Beasley’

Last year Adam Yauch (better known as MCA of the Beastie Boys) released a documentary about eight high school basketball players who travel to Rucker Park in New York to play in the Elite 24 (a game showcasing the best high school players in the nation). You may have heard of a few of these guys. Michael Beasley, Kevin Love, Brandon Jennings, Tyreke Evans, Donte Greene, Jerryd Bayless, Kyle Singler, Lance Stephenson. Some are playing in the NBA. Others were drafted in Thursday night’s draft. Others will be in the NBA soon.

I know I’m a year late on this, but the documentary was terrific. It captured not only the meaning of Rucker Park, but also the perspectives of some of the best young basketball players in the country.

Of particular interest to me: Tyreke Evans and Donte Greene, two of the hottest basketball prospects in the nation in 2007 (when the doc was filmed). Now both of them are Sacramento Kings.

As a Kings fan trying to figure out why the Kings drafted Evans over Ricky Rubio, watching interviews with Evans as a high schooler was enlightening; the basketball equivalent of reading a Rolling Stone feature on a favorite band. It sounds weird, but watching Yauch’s doc was like getting to know Evans for the first time. I learned more about him in this hour and thirty-six minute documentary than in all of the nationally-televised college games, YouTube clips, and Internet features combined.

If you’re a basketball fan and you have an hour and a half to kill this weekend, I highly recommend watching Gunnin’ For That #1 Spot. You can catch it on Hulu or, if you want a more permanent copy, you can order it from the Gunnin’ Movie website.

If not, I’ve got you covered. After the jump you’ll find a quick breakdown of each player (Greene, Bayless, Love, Jennings, Singler, Beasley, Evans, and Stephenson) and what the documentary teaches us about him.

Read the rest of this entry »

Like Paul Blart: Mall Cop - which, surprisingly, has earned $112 million at the box office - the 2008 draft class has performed much better than expected. Despite receiving a lot of criticism this class is looking promising so far. Among the current rookies I count at least six future All-Stars (seven if you count Greg Oden), ten guys who will be bona fide role players on good teams, a Spanish rock star in Rudy Fernandez who will win the three-point contest at least three times in the next ten years and only two potential busts (Danilo Gallinari and Joe Alexander).

Even the guys from Deadliest Catch have to be impressed with a haul like that.

To honor this outstanding draft class, I’ve decided to deal out some midseason rookie grades. A report card, if you will. Keep in mind, though, that these are just preliminary grades. It’s difficult to judge a rookie class after just half a season because injury problems haven’t been established yet, potential hasn’t become fully realized and some players are, by no fault of their own, stuck behind more established players in the depth chart. So if your favorite rookie gets a bad grade here, don’t go all Christian Bale on me.

I’ve decided to break this feature into two parts. Part I covers draft picks 1-6. I’ll get to the rest of the lottery picks and a select group of late first-rounders/breakout second-rouners on Monday, February 23.

On to the grades!

Derrick Rose (PG, Bulls, #1 overall pick) - Grade: A+

While the Bulls struggle with inner turmoil, Rose has become a breakout star. He leads all rookies in assists (6.4 per game), is second in points (16.9 per game) and ranks just behind the big men in field goal shooting (47.3%). It’s difficult to make the transition from college point guard to NBA point guard (just ask Mike Conley Jr.), but D-Rose has done it flawlessly. 

If Chris Paul wasn’t in the league, we’d all look at Rose as the prototypical point guard. Rose has the quickness to get to any spot on the court he wants, the court vision to consistently find open teammates and the strength to finish around the rim.

Realistically, Rose has the ability to drive to the basket every play and finish. That makes him dangerous. But the fact that he chooses not to drive every play - and, instead, incorporate his teammates - is what makes Rose a great point guard.

The winner of this year’s PlayStation Skills Challenge, Rose is also a magician with the ball. He’s fundamentally solid, has better handles than a Chantal tea kettle and refuses to make bad decisions with the ball in his hands. Rose’s 2.5:1 assist-to-turnover ratio is best among rookies.

Not only is Rose the Bulls’ primary ball-handler, he’s also the team’s go-to-guy down the stretch. Apparently first-year coach Vinny Del Negro has yet to master the skill of subtlety. In late-game situations, VDN runs slight variations on the same play: give the ball to Rose, let him drive the lane and hope that he can make something happen. Surprise! It doesn’t always work.

Oh well, Rose has plenty of time to master the art of the knockout punch.

Though the hype around him as the #1 overall pick wasn’t particularly intense, Rose has lived up to any and all expectations through 53 games. He’s going to be an All-Star for years to come and may even give CP3 and Deron Williams a run for their money in the Point Guard of the Future race.

If you feel compelled to bet on the Rookie of the Year race, I suggest putting your money on this guy. 

Michael Beasley (F, Heat, #2 overall pick) - Grade: B-

Coming into the season, I ranked preseason favorites for the Rookie of the Year award. Beasley came in a close second to Greg Oden (let’s just say I won’t be changing my name to Nostradamus any time soon).

While I haven’t been completely unimpressed with Beasley’s performance, I can’t help but feel that he’s landed in the wrong situation and will take longer than expected to develop. Which can mean a number of different things. Beasley can go the Chauncey Billups route (struggling for a few years before finding the perfect situation and thriving), the Derrick Coleman route (putting up good numbers in a career plagued by injuries and laziness) or even the Adam Morrison route (sucking outright and becoming an NBA cult figure).

Or maybe Beasley will blaze his own trail, turn it around and win a bunch of MVP awards. Who knows? Anything is possible. 

Stats-wise, Beasley has been okay in his rookie season (he’s averaging 13.2 pts and 5.2 reb and shooting 45.4% from the field), but he gets a “C” because no one really knows where he’s headed and no one expected him to be quite this awe-sucking (the opposite of awe-inspiring in case you’re wondering). Judging from his college stats (26.2 pts, 12.4 reb, 53.2% FG) Beasley should be a can’t miss scoring machine. Instead he’s been a part-time contributor. A sideshow to The Dwyane Wade Program.

Think about it. Beasley’s the number two overall pick in the draft and he’s not even starting!

When Shawn Marion was shipped to Toronto, I thought Beasley would see more minutes and step into a starting role. But Marion’s departure hasn’t guaranteed anything so far. Beasley still hasn’t won coach Erik Spoelstra’s confidence. As a result Spoelstra has given Beasley the Unleashed treatment, jerking his minutes around like Bob Hoskins jerked around Jet Li on that weird, futuristic leash. 

In Beasley, Spoelstra knows he has a supreme talent on his hands, but you can tell he doesn’t trust Beasley yet and is willing to take crazy measures to control him.

The Unleashed analogy is a bit dramatic, but - on a much smaller level - a similar relationship applies to Spoelstra-Beasley and Hoskins-Li. Beasley is this incredibly gifted force of nature (a player who dominated in the college ranks on the sole basis of his athleticism) who hasn’t learned yet how to generate shots within a team offense and has a propensity for making mistakes on the court. Recognizing this, Spoelstra spent the first half of the season trying to psychologically beat the bad habits out of Beasley (relegating him to a non-starters role, tinkering constantly with his minutes and benching him during the fourth quarter).

To some extent, the tough love has paid off.

Beasley is integrating himself better into the offense, taking better shots and cutting down on his turnovers. But even with that improvement, Spoelstra has kept Beasley out of the starting lineup; favoring Jermaine O’Neal, Udonis Haslem and James Jones as his front court starters.

I don’t know why Spoelstra refuses to let his prized rookie off the chain. But if he can’t trust Beasley, then neither can I. 

Due to a lack of maturity and, as I said before, the awe-sucking quality of his performance so far, Beasley’s grade is a “B-” for now. But I won’t be surprised if he puts it all together in the second half of the season and improves this grade quite a bit by the time the postseason rolls around.

O.J. Mayo (SG, Grizzlies, #3 overall pick) - Grade: A-

After firing head coach Marc Iavoroni, the Grizzlies are eager for something positive to happen. Why else would they devote three billboards in Phoenix to the O.J. Mayo For Rookie of the Year campaign and create a website dedicated to the same cause?

The whole campaign reeks of desperation, which is ironic because Mayo has a legitimate shot at winning the award even without the media blitz that the Grizzlies are trying to stir up.

Mayo started the year as the hottest shooting guard prospect since Dwyane Wade (23.1 pts, 48% FG, 42.1% 3pt in November), putting up 30+ points four times in his first 20 games. He has since cooled down, but Mayo is still at the top of the rookie class in scoring (at 19.3 pts per game) and has established himself as a deadly outside shooter (38.5% 3pt for the season).

For some reason (maybe his high shot count?) Mayo has been tagged as a selfish player this season. I refuse to jump on this bandwagon. Mayo is one of the least selfish players on the Grizzlies. He runs harder off the ball than any other player on his team and is always willing to make the extra pass. Despite being dubbed by many as the primary option on the Grizzlies, Mayo consistently defers to Rudy Gay.

What’s selfish about that?

If anything, Gay is the selfish one. That guy takes more contested shots than Alan Shore on Boston Legal. (That’s a reference to objections in court, by the way, of which Shore receives many…just watch the show).

A notorious hard-worker, Mayo is also showing improvement on the defensive end - at 6′4″, 210 pounds, he certainly has the build and athleticism to become an elite defender - and a recent scoring surge has inspired his team to a 4-2 record in the final six games heading into the All-Star break. If Mayo can return to his November form - or at least a semblance of it - he has a good chance of returning the Rookie of the Year hardware to Memphis.

Russell Westbrook (G, Thunder, #4 overall pick) - Grade: B

There’s a reason that Westbrook skyrocketed up the draft boards in the weeks leading up to the draft. He’s an explosive guard who has the size and athleticism to excel on both ends of the court. Though Westbrook has terrific upside, he also has significant flaws in his game.

For one thing, he’s not a true point guard.

Westbrook is amazing on the break, but there’s more to being a point guard than that. He lacks court vision and tends to telegraph each pass like he’s Alexander Graham Bell. As a result, Westbrook is the worst of the rookie point guards in terms of turning the ball over (3.1 per game, 17.3% turnover) and has trouble running halfcourt sets.

Truth be told, Thunder rookie Kyle Weaver is a better playmaker than Westbrook, which doesn’t bode well for Westbrook’s status as the franchise’s point guard of the future.

So if Westbrook isn’t a natural point guard, he must be a shooting guard, right? Wrong. Though he excels around the basket, Westbrook leaves much to be desired when it comes to outside shooting. His release is flawed and inconsistent - a far cry from the wonder-stroke of Eric Gordon - and opposing guards generally let him take open threes. Through 53 games Westbrook is shooting just 40.8% from the field and 29.6% from downtown.

History shows that good shooters sometimes struggle in their rookie season, then find their stroke later down the road (Kevin Durant is the poster child of this mentality). But Westbrook wasn’t a good outside shooter in college either. His senior year at UCLA, Westbrook hit only 33.8% of his threes. Nothing is impossible, but it’s Stretch Armstrong to imagine that Westbrook will suddenly find his stroke at the age of 21.

Outwardly, Westbrook is a terrific prospect. He can beat any guard in the league off the dribble and his speed makes him a terrific thief on defense (Westbrook is second among rookies at 1.4 steals per game). But there are also a lot of holes in Westbrook’s game; primarily, outside shooting, ball security and court vision.

At best, Westbrook will be Monta Ellis with significant defensive upgrades. At worst, he’s a poor man’s Gary Payton. Either way, Westbrook’s deficiencies limit him to a “B” at this point in time.

Kevin Love (PF, Timberwolves, #5 overall pick) - Grade: B-

I have to admit that I had doubts about K-Love heading into the draft. It’s tough to determine whether good college players will match up physically with NBA talent and I’ve seen UPS workers with more athleticsm than Love. But what he lacks in physical skills, Love makes up for in size, intelligence and resolve.

Love has quickly established himself as the best rebounder of the rookie class, averaging a rookie-best 8.7 rebounds per game. He positions himself well on both the defensive and offensive glass (Love averages 3.5 offensive boards per game) and isn’t afraid to bang with bigger bodies on the inside. Though, to be fair, there aren’t many bodies bigger than the 6′10″, 260-pound Love. From what I’ve seen, 260 pounds is a conservative estimate of his weight.

Though Love has yet to establish a go-to move in the post, he rotates well on the pick-and-roll and gets a lot of putback opportunities thanks to his offensive rebounding prowess. Love also has an above-average stroke from the free throw line, which bodes well for his ability to add a mid-range game. These skills have allowed Love to pick up 13 double-doubles before the All-Star break (second only to Greg Oden among rookies).

Love is not without his deficiencies - chief of which is his outstanding lack of footspeed - but he has been better than advertised this season. Though I’m giving Love a B-, it’s only because I have concerns about his longevity and his ability to defend the fast break. Overall, I like what he brings to the table and I think he’ll be a good role player for years to come.

By the way, if you’re looking for a full inventory of Love’s abilities, check out Charley Rosen’s brilliant breakdown at FoxSports.com.  

Danilo Gallinari (F, Knicks, #6 overall pick) - Grade: D

I don’t want to jump to any hasty conclusions, but let’s just say this guy has high bust potential based on the fact that he’s only 20 years old and is already suffering from a back condition. Steve Nash, at the age of 34, is expected to have back pain. But a 20 year-old lottery pick like Gallinari? He’s not exactly a prime candidate for chronic back issues.

Gallinari has played in just 15 games this season and is averaging just under 15 minutes per game. He’s shooting well (46.9% from the field) and scoring at a decent clip (14.9 points per 36 minutes), but the fact that he has only been on the court for 220 minutes (total!) this season is bad news for Knicks fans.

Due to his absence from the court, it’s only fair to give Gallinari low marks at the midseason point. I’m sorry Knicks fans, but your lottery pick is a “D” until he proves otherwise.

That does it for Part I of our midseason rookie grades. Be sure to check back on Monday for the second half, along with some bonus coverage of the Oscars (I’m pulling for Heath Ledger and Slumdog Millionaire!).

The guys over at Dream Shake have teamed with an awesome cast of fellow NBA bloggers to compile votes for first quarter MVP and ROY.

No big surprises. LeBron topped the MVP voting, followed by D-Wade, Chris Paul, Kobe and Dwight Howard. Duncan, Nowitzki, Billups, Garnett and Bosh were also in the conversation.

Personally I would have put Kobe over CP3. But the Hornets have been on the rise lately. So maybe the Blog Mafia is accounting for future considerations (namely New Orleans getting the second seed in the West).

I also would have included Brandon Roy in the conversation (probably somewhere around KG’s spot). The guy has been a terror in fourth quarter situations.

ROY voting was more surprising. As expected, Derrick Rose got the nod at the top spot followed by O.J. Mayo. But Rudy Fernandez, Marc Gasol and D.J. Augustin rounded out the Top 5 in lieu of Michael Beasley and Russell Westbrook.

I realize Beasley has been a roller coaster this season. But any player who can score 20 points in 24 minutes (as Beasley did against the Grizz the other night) merits a Top 5 slot. Beasley should have made the cut over Marc Gasol.

Personality has played a big role in the devaluation of Beasley, though. Marc Gasol is more likable. Perhaps the Blog Mafia has a soft spot for guys who look like they should have been in Road House.

The argument in favor of Westbrook is more of a preference thing than anything else. Augustin struggles to defend bigger guards. Westbrook shoots a lower percentage from the field. But when it comes down to numbers, Westbrook has a higher efficiency rating on NBA.com (12.1 to Augustin’s 11.8). He should have got the nod.

Nonetheless, thanks to Dream Shake for the topic fodder.

Sundays are great. In fact, they may be the best day of the whole week. You don’t have to work, there’s football on TV, and you can sleep until noon to erase the damage of whatever you drank last night.

It’s the day that red-blooded Americans dream about all week long. Even Clay Aiken. (Clay, you know you’re sleeping off five Vodka-Red Bulls right now so don’t even front like this doesn’t include you).  

Unfortunately the NBA doesn’t feel the same way about Sundays. 

During football season, David Stern avoids the sabbath day like movie critics avoid Jessica Alba. He loads Thursdays and Saturdays with prime basketball matchups and leaves the dregs for Sunday. Like Oklahoma City against Minnesota. Two steaming waste removal sites-of-a-team matched against each other in one of the most boring cities in America. Who wants to watch that?!

I can’t blame the league; there’s no benefit to putting a prime matchup on Sunday when millions of viewers would rather watch football. Still, it leaves a void in my basketball soul.

To fill that basketball void, I’m bringing you the NBA Sunday Update.

It’s the best info from this week in the NBA, crammed into one, action-packed article and dressed up to attract prime readership.  And, no, that doesn’t mean I’m going to devote 2,000 words to Kobe every week. Sorry, Laker Nation.

This week I’m focusing on the winners and losers of the week under age 25. The way that I see it, there are three prime storylines in the NBA now that Greg Oden has ceded his popularity over to injury. The Celtics’ attempt to repeat as champions, the Kobe-Pau-Bynum love triangle in Los Angeles and the Youth Movement. Since I live on the West Coast and strongly dislike the Lakers, you can guess which of these storylines is my favorite.

Watching the Youth Movement (the emergence of great players under the age of 25) is kind of like watching the trials and tribulations of your friends’ kids as they grow up. You celebrate in their accomplishments, cringe when they make mistakes and hope for the best for them as they develop.

Speaking of which, let’s take a look at the players under age 25 who have been succeeding — as well as the ones who are blowing it — through the first week of play.

Winners

This conversation begins and ends with Chris Paul. The NBA schedulers threw the kitchen sink at him this week (at Golden State on Wednesday, at Phoenix the next night, home for a matchup with LeBron on Saturday). Yet Paul emerged unscathed.

After what seemed like an untoppable season in 2007-08, Paul is looking even better this year. Which is pretty remarkable considering the target that he has on his back now.

Ever since last season, when Paul led the Hornets deep into the playoffs, opponents have definitely been gunning for him. At this point, he’s like the Genghis Khan of NBA point guards. He showed dominance and now, out of fear, his enemies throw everything at him in an attempt to slow him down. But it’s all in vain; nothing can stop Chris Paul right now. Not Steve Nash. Not LeBron. Not even the injury to Tyson Chandler.

Paul is putting up daunting numbers right now; Isiah-in-his-prime type numbers (21.7 points, 12 assists, 5.3 rebounds and 2.3 steals per game). But it’s not just the numbers that are important, it’s the way he’s getting them — and when he’s getting them — that counts the most. What I mean by that is Chris Paul has been a beast in close games.

Last Wednesday, despite being largely overmatched, the Warriors had alligator blood and hung in against the Hornets until the last few minutes of the fourth quarter. But Paul put them down in the fourth with five points and four assists, capping off what had been, to that point, kind of a lackluster game for him.

The same results came the next night when New Orleans matched up against Phoenix. The Suns got a little frisky in the fourth quarter. But just when you thought the Suns might equalize, there was Paul again, hitting four consecutive free throws to ice the game down the stretch.

The third game of the season – on Saturday against the Cavs — was no different. While LeBron was jacking up emergency threes down the stretch, Paul was calmly sealing another Hornets victory with 8 points and 4 assists.

When it comes to the fourth quarter, Paul is not just good, he’s predatory; like a starved wolf who smells a rabbit. He doesn’t just make the shots that his team needs, he kicks his whole game into a higher gear and creates opportunities for others with his passing skills and his defense. That’s why, through three games, Paul has been the best player in the NBA. The most unstoppable. The most poised. The most valuable.

It’s no surprise that the Hornets are 3-0. CP3 has been amazing.

Paul may be the biggest winner but Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh deserve a lot of credit as well.

Shaq has a habit of talking about “shoguns” when he discusses the best big men in the league. It’s his way of showing respect. I don’t know how Shaq feels about this, but I definitely think Howard and Bosh have entered “shogun” territory this season. They’ve just been flat-out unstoppable so far.

The better of the two, though, is clearly Howard. After leading the league in double-doubles last season, Howard added three more this week against the Hawks, the Grizzlies and the Kings. Granted, that’s kind of like Lil’ Wayne holding the Top 3 spots on the Billboard chart when the only competition is Kevin Federline. But still, 21.7 points, 14.3 rebounds and 4.3 blocks per game is nothing to scoff at. You don’t see Darko Milicic averaging those kinds of numbers against weak teams.

Offensively, it’s the same Dwight Howard. Deadly-quick, insanely powerful and confined to a two-foot perimeter around the basket. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing at this point. Howard is nails inside; a real low-post monster who few can contain when he gets position (and he gets position a lot). You can’t say that about too many players these days.

The main difference in Howard’s game has been his progression on defense. You saw it emerge in the opening round series of last season’s playoffs against Toronto. But this season Howard is really making an effort to limit the opponent’s offensive progress around the basket. He’s more effective than ever at protecting the rim and so far his prediction about leading the league in rebounds AND blocks is ringing true. Through three games, he’s at 14.5 rebounds and 4.3 blocks. (Which means he’ll be the leader in both categories once Troy Murphy comes back down to Earth).

Howard is bringing the heat on the defensive end to the point that I think we need to send a memo to Kevin Garnett. Kevin, consider yourself warned. Dwight Howard is coming for your Defensive Player of the Year award. And if you want to keep it, you better hold onto it with both hands ’cause D-Howard is a strong dude with a renewed sense of passion.

If Howard has been Shogun #1 this season, Chris Bosh deserves nothing less than Shogun 1A.

Like Michael Phelps with his new ‘Rock Band’ commercial, Bosh has capitalized on his Olympic success with a strong Fall push. Bosh has led his Raptors to an undefeated record through three games, including an overtime win over the Warriors on Halloween during which Bosh single-handedly annihilated the hopes of the “Believe” crew in the fourth quarter with a salvo of ferocious dunks and reverse layups. The rim in the Air Canada Centre hasn’t been abused that badly since Vince Carter left town. In fact, forget Saw IV. Bosh was the scariest thing in Toronto on Halloween night. If you don’t believe me just check Ronny Turiaf’s shorts. (Don’t worry, Ronny, Febreze takes that urine smell right out).

Early in the season, Bosh has erased all memory of his below-average showing last season. At 26 points, 10 rebounds, 3.7 assists and 10 free throw attempts per game he’s murdering the competition like Ben Affleck on ‘Saturday Night Live’.

Speaking of ‘Saturday Night Live’, is it too much to ask to get a good Stephon Marbury sketch in there at some point? It’s a comedic opportunity that’s ripe for the picking.

First of all, you have the New York connection (guys in NY love their basketball, so there’s always an audience for something like this). Then you have Starbury; the completely out-of-his-mind point guard extraordinaire who’s making a truck-load of money but is glued to the inactive list because he doesn’t “fit the offensive style of the team”. Then there’s Mike D’Antoni who has found about 340 different ways to diplomatically say that he hates Marbury this week without explicitly saying that he hates Marbury. General manager Donnie Walsh, stuck in the middle of the whole mess holding a finance report, would make a great SNL character. And to top it all off we have owner James Dolan, a guy who is just begging to have someone do an over-the-top impersonation of him. Can you imagine Bill Hader, veins bulging, eyes about to explode out of their sockets, doing his best Dolan send-up? It would be hilarious.

If you’re a fan of SNL, you can appreciate that they finally have a cast that could make something like this funny (’Starbury Unleashed’!!). If you’re not a fan, please ignore my fanatical plea to Lorne Michaels.

Other winners this week were: Andris Biedrins of the Warriors (producing to the tune of 18 points, 12 rebounds per game in extended minutes), Jason Thompson of the Kings (made his rookie debut with a double-double against Minnesota), Mike Beasley of the Heat (maybe now Heat fans will finally get off my back), Rudy Gay of the Grizzlies (thanks to an amazing, game-winning turnaround jumper against the Magic the other night), and Derrick Rose of the Bulls (who handled his business against a tough Boston defense on Friday).

Losers (Under 25)

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that the official Loser of the Week award (brought to you by ‘Body of Lies’ starring Russell Crowe and Leo DiCaprio) goes to Mike Conley Jr. of the Memphis Grizzlies. Despite being surrounded by world-class scorers like Rudy Gay and O.J. Mayo, Conley managed just 7 assists in 3 games this week. That’s like being an Aquafina vendor in the middle of Disneyland in July and selling only 7 bottles of water in 3 days. There’s just no good way to explain it to your boss.

Hold on a second while I make a private plea to Conley (who I loved to watch at Ohio State and have wanted to succeed more than any other point guard since Deron Williams). If you want to take a quick coffee break, we’ll be back with more losers in a second.

C’mon, Mike, with guys like Gay and Mayo in your lineup, assists should come as easily as breathing or tying your shoelaces. You have the court vision. You have the physical tools. You have the knowledge of the game. It doesn’t matter that your jump shot is for ish, you should be killing at this level with these kinds of weapons. Instead, you wrap the week with more rebounds than dimes. What you’re doing here is completely mind-boggling to me. In fact, more mind-boggling than Boggle. As Ari Gold would say, “Get your house in order”. We need more good point guards in this league and I think I speak for everyone when I say that I want you to succeed. Partly because I loved the Conley-to-Oden connection at Ohio State. And partly because nobody wants to see Kyle Lowry’s name in the starting lineup in Memphis. Now, get your mind right, get out on the court and make things happen.

Ok, Lou Holtz time is over. You can return from your coffee break now.

Speaking of Ohio State, special consideration for the Loser of the Week award must be extended to the Portland Trailblazers for the loss of Greg Oden on Tuesday. Following in the proud injury history of Bill Walton and Sam Bowie, Oden will miss 2-4 weeks of action with a foot injury. Which is a dirty shame because the Bearded Buckeye has yet to score the first points of his NBA career and everyone was very much looking forward to watching him play. Case in point: I have a friend who loves the NBA and couldn’t have been more excited for the season to come. Then Oden got hurt and he could care less about everyone other than his beloved Rockets. This is the state of affairs when you lose a guy as popular as Oden. The whole league suffers.

Again, I think I speak for all NBA fans when I say that I hope Oden returns to full health soon.

Other losers of the week: Andrea Bargnani of the Raptors (in 37 minutes of combined action against Milwaukee and Philly, Bargs managed just 7 total shots; he’s also averaging a paltry 6.3 points and 5 rebounds per game so far), Luol Deng of the Bulls (recently signed a lucrative contract extension but has hit just 6 of his last 23 shots and has an assist-to-turnover ratio of 1-to-2.3 this season), and Kevin Durant of the Thunder (kicked off the OKC era with an awful performance on opening night).

As a proud, adoptive older brother to these guys, I can’t be any more disappointed with them than I am right now. Consistency, guys. Consistency.

Let’s hope we don’t see any of these players here next week.

If the 2008-09 NBA Season was a Hollywood script, you know it would get edited 5-10 times for maximum dramatic effect. Hollywood is big on that, you know. The superstars would get shot from weird angles to make them look ten feet tall. The coaches would be made up and instructed to look older, wiser, and, in the case of Don Nelson, less drunk. The fans would be 80% female. And hot. The referrees would all be weather-beaten, chain-smokers built like Nicholas Cage. And the owners would all smoke huge stogies like the late, great Red.

In other words, everything would be primed for dramatic effect. Especially the storylines.

There are many good storylines in the NBA this season, including, but not limited to: Greg Oden’s debut, the overhaul of Kobe’s image (post-gold medal), Monta Ellis’ mysterious injury, Elton Brand’s defection to the East, Baron Davis’ defection to L.A., Ron Artest in Houston, the return of the Real Dwyane Wade, the return of the Lakers’ “missing piece” (Andrew Bynum), Mike Beasley’s confession, Darius Miles’ penchant for illegal diet pills, and Mike D’Antoni’s attempt to revitalize the New York Knicks. These are great storylines but Hollywood would blow them over the top and make them even greater.

Consider the following:

Before the season debut between the Trailblazers and Lakers, Hollywood Greg Oden sleeps with Hollywood Andrew Bynum’s girlfriend, making a tense match-up ten times tenser. (Say that ten times fast). Hollywood Bynum then goes on an anger-fueled late-night drive (a la Gerry Bertier in ‘Remember the Titans’) leading to a brutal car crash that leaves Bynum in the hospital for weeks.

Hollywood Kobe, fresh off of his recent image-changing gold medal run, would of course use the injury as motivation for a title run. As Kobe reaches deep down for a motivational speech about his dear friend Bynum, tears flow from Lamar Odom’s eyes. Can you spell redemption? I can. B-Y-N-U-M. The big man (in perfect shape of course) shows up at Game 7 of the NBA championships and blocks a key shot en route to a revenge victory for the Lakers over the Boston Celtics.

Want to make an old man happy? Make this movie, Hollywood. Watching that, Jack Nicholson would have his first boner in years.

The Hollywood Lakers wouldn’t be the only ones getting a screenwriter’s tune-up.

Hollywood Baron Davis, the turncoat who left Golden State in turmoil, would be re-invented as Politically-Savvy Baron. Torn between preparing for the new season and going on the road with presidential candidate Barack Obama, Hollywood Baron is forced to choose either his future as an athlete or his future as a mover-and-shaker. Injury, of course, makes the decision for him.

After being lost for the season with an injury in a late-September pick-up game, Hollywood B.D. replaces Joe Biden as Obama’s running mate for the November 2008 election. Drama ensues. And no, I won’t tell you who wins the election. This is Hollywood after all. We can’t reveal all the secrets.

If you thought Hollywood Oden, Hollywood Bynum, and Hollywood Baron were crazy, just wait till you see Hollywood Ron Artest. Screenwriters would have a field day with this guy. After a short honeymoon period, Hollywood Artest would clash with superstar teammates Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. Nothing would be off-limits. It would like an NBA-themed, cinematic version of the Real World.

Everything would start out rosy, with the three superstars spending a night on the town with the hot girls of Houston, sharing a cab home, and enjoying scrambled eggs in the Rockets’ clubhouse the next morning before practice. But as soon as the drunk afterglow wears off, the craziness begins.

First, Hollywood Artest bitches about T-Mac getting too many shots on offense. An argument ensues, leading to a broken white-board, a dented trash can, and three disemboweled media cameras. Yao, always the voice of reason, comes to McGrady’s defense only to find himself on the receiving end of a vicious ethnic tirade from Artest. Coach Rick Adelman steps in and makes the peace only to encounter similar showdowns in San Antonio, Detroit, and Oklahoma City.

Eventually, the Rockets’ brass intervenes (like the producers of the Real World during the Greg-Will Showdown of Real World: Hollywood) and ships Artest to Detroit. Rinse, wash, repeat.

What screenwriter wouldn’t take on that script? It’s the definition of art-imitates-life. The thing practically writes itself.

Speaking of which, if Hollywood screenwriters were running the show, Michael Beasley would never have confessed to smoking weed in a hotel room with Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur at the NBA Rookie Symposium. No way. Hollywood Beasley would blow off David Stern, buy a brand new Ferrari and do coke off of Denise Richards’ navel in a Miami Beach penthouse. So long $50,00 fine…

If you like the NBA as much as I do, you hate the idea of this happening in real life. It would be horrible to see SportsCenter bits about Andrew Bynum’s stint in the hospital, Ron Artest’s descecration of the Chinese, and Michael Beasley’s reenaction of the overdose scene from ‘Pulp Fiction’. In real life, those incidents would be tragic, scarring, and terrible.

But they sure would make a good movie, no?