Basketball Fiend

Photo courtesy of ESPN.com.

Beginning on Friday, July 24 and carrying into Saturday, July 25, Stephon Marbury: NBA Outcast conducted a 24-hour live-streaming video broadcast. It was a wild ride, one that I missed thanks to an excellent vacation down in San Luis Obispo.

Here’s a recap I’ve compiled to make up for my negligence.

Origins

Stephon Marbury’s first attempt at a live broadcast started on July 22 with a myriad of technical difficulties and “Starburyisms”, causing J.E. Skeets at Ball Don’t Lie to dub him “the most interesting man in the world.”

Among Marbury’s pearls of wisdom:

“John Stockton is a computer. He’s playing chess with you. He’s doing stuff to you before it even happens.”

“Mandarin is gonna be the language in 15-to-20 years.”

“I’m not doing a movie like Bassy … yet. I got a movie coming out Christmas Day. Brooke Shields is in it.”

And, “I’m telling you what it is: I know I’m the best point guard in the NBA. I don’t need anybody else to tell me that.”

I’m beginning to think that Skeets is right. With quotes like this, Marbury may well be the most interesting man in the world.

The Real Beginning

July 25 - Marbury’s second attempt at uStream was much more successful. 24 hours of live streaming video from Marbury equals insanity of the highest order. Higher even than the guy dressed like an extra from The Warriors who tried to sabotage my vacation in SLO. (Didn’t work.)

Shout out to Jared Wade of Both Teams Played Hard for bringing Starbury’s uStream to my attention on Friday, just before I left town. Twitter remains king.

Instant Classics

Marbury broadcast live from Friday morning until Saturday morning, creating potential for a slew of if you missed it, you missed out moments.

Fortunately, uStream saves all of the best clips for posterity. So guys like you and me can go back and catch the zaniest, craziest moments on video, regardless of where we were - or how drunk we were - when those moments were broadcast live.

These are my favorite archived moments so far:

Steph shows viewers his pool. Tour includes a sneak peek at his endurance workout and the now famous line, “They tried to put me in the box!” Verdict? Instant classic.

Steph tells “true lies” about his “baby”, a Mercedes SLK. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I’m strangely mesmerized. Verdict? Instant classic.

Steph keeps it real. Never before have I heard so many words to describe absolutely nothing. Verdict? Instant classic.

The Crying Game

On July 27, Marbury lost it. He started playing Kirk Franklin and crying. Not just regular crying either. Uncontrolled weeping. Sobbing even.

Dr. J-Water at Hoop Doctors breaks it down like this:

If Shaquille O’Neal is considered the new standard for professional athletes to emulate in their desire to use social media to make a brand/market/name for themselves, then i’d have to say that Stephon Marbury is the polar opposite of Shaquille O’Neal. Yes, Marbury these days seems more and more like the ‘Bizarro World’ Shaquille O’Neal.

In the last week we have seen some strange quotes, videos, and acts of insanity from the formerly talented NBA point guard, Stephon Marbury. But this one takes the cake. If I had to pick one moment of the recent Stephon Marbury broadcasts that sums up his new ‘outreach program’, i’d have to say that this just about does it.

Clearly this man needs help.

Frankly, the crying fit is like everything else that Marbury does. Words can’t describe it. It does, however, make me highly uncomfortable.

You can find the video here.

The Vaseline Incident

Going strong all day with the videoblog can wreak havoc on a man’s throat. Marbury’s solution? Eat some Vaseline.

Convinced that it will regenerate his ability to talk, Marbury promotes Ice Cube’s favorite omission, then tells them to “cut the check” as he pounds a finger-full of product. Two words. Dis-gusting.

Unlike the crying video, the Vaseline Incident doesn’t make me feel wildly uncomfortable, so I’ve included the YouTube version below (courtesy of NESW Sports.com).

TMI

The acronym usually means Too Much Information, but in Marbury’s case…Terrible Media Instincts. That’s what we get out of these 24-hour live streaming broadcasts according to Shannon J. Owens of the Orlando Sentinel,

Maybe he was looking for a Vaseline endorsement because he repeatedly yelled “CTC” (cut the check). Maybe he thought an entertainment agent would see his tremendous acting abilities.

What I do know is that this is another classic case of TMI.

That’s right. Terrible Media Instincts.

Granted, our world is becoming increasing small and intimate with Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and that oldie but goody, reality television.

For some professional athletes, today’s media landscape is an ideal playground. They can self-promote, market and directly communicate messages to their fan bases like never before.

For others, it’s like putting a tub of ice cream in front of a 4-year-old. They don’t know when to stop.

Great point, Shannon. Hold that thought though. Somebody needs to replace Marbury’s gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip. I think it’s empty.

Straight Transcribing

Deadspin intern Ben Cohen transcribes random ten-minute snippets of Marbury wisdom. Marbury riffs on everything from Denzel Washington’s yacht to Vince Carter coming to Orlando to our national healthcare system to how much he loves ‘Oh, Canada’. It’s enthralling stuff, Marbury Unplugged.

My personal favorite?

“I don’t own no bling anymore. I got rid of all that. I took my bling and invested it into something, and I’m gonna use that money from the bling, that I got back from me, and put it in something else and let that pay for my bling. And the bling ain’t even gonna be for me. It’s gonna be for my queen.”

Let me get this straight. Marbury has sold all of his jewelry, invested the profits in the stock market (or one of his business ventures), and is going to use the proceeds to buy…more jewelry? Makes perfect sense.

Why can’t the rest of our economy be more like Starbury?

Signing Off

As the screen goes black Tom Ziller reciprocates Marbury’s love.

“I love you all,” Marbury said. And the feeling’s mutual — it’s amazing how well-received this effort was around the web, no matter the negative stigma attached to Starbury as an NBA player.

Starbury took us to his pool, let us watch him sign business documents, introduced us to his friends, refused to be put in a box, banned haters from the uStream chat room, and frankly talked very little basketball. All the same, I can see this being the most memorable event of the NBA’s summer. Few will forget watching a wide-eyed Marbury staring at the camera for 24 hours, chatting with his fans.

And This, My Saving Grace

NBA Musings leaves us with an indelible mark of Marbury’s epic day: a 24-hour transcript filled with inane video clips and enough quotes to put Geico out of business.

Well played, NBA Musings. Well played.

In Parting…

I’mma end this with a big red cherry on top, J.A.’s got the best product on the block.

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