Basketball Fiend

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Today I was shooting hoops at the gym. A kid walked by and told me I was awesome. It was his fifth birthday. I gave him a high five. Life’s pretty awesome when you’re five. Here are your top NBA stories for Wednesday, June 9.

1. The Nets have reached a verbal agreement with coach Avery Johnson that will make him the team’s new head coach. I agree with Sebastian Pruiti when he says Johnson is the perfect fit for New Jersey. Yes, Johnson has struggled in the postseason (remember Dallas’ epic meltdown in 2007?), and, yes, he has had run-ins with Nets point guard Devin Harris in the past, but he’s a defense-first, no-nonsense disciplinarian who has had great success in the regular season. Also, his high-pitched voice will excellently complement Mikhail Prokhorov’s thick Russian accent. You couldn’t script a better post-game press duo.

2. The NBA scored high marks in diversity once again, according to a report from the University of Central Florida, which does an annual report examining gender and race in each of the major professional sports. David Stern and Co. earned an “A,” but I’m curious as to why. The report says that 77 percent of NBA players are black, 18 percent are white and 3 percent are Latino. In other words, the league is dominated by players who are black. That’s not diversity! That’s majority! I don’t have a problem with the league being dominated by one or another race of people, but I do think there’s a misinterpretation here about the meaning of the word.

3. An L.A. busboy named Ricardo Reyes trounced LeBron James and Charles Barkley in pop-a-shot competitions on the Jimmy Kimmel Show coinciding with Games 1 and 2 of the Finals. Reyes is crazy good. He reminds me of Kyle Korver, only if Kyle Korver was a 5-foot-7 Latino with buck teeth. Needless to say, I’m waiting with baited breath to see who he matches up against in Game 3. Please be Robert Horry. Please be Robert Horry. Please be Robert Horry.

4. The Miami Heat threw a big surprise party for Udonis Haslem on Wednesday to celebrate his 30th birthday. Attendees included Alonzo Mourning, James Jones and over 200 team employees in “We Want U Back” shirts. Haslem was impressed by the turnout, but I’m pretty sure he would have preferred a new contract (seeing as he’s a free agent this summer and Miami is looking to fill its cap space with two max contract players).

5. Former NBA power forward and resident bad ass Charles Oakley was reportedly beaten up by a Las Vegas security crew earlier this week. Oak suffered a broken arm in the melee. The details of the incident are sketchy at best, which leads me to believe it wasn’t a team of security guys at all, rather a black ops special forces group commissioned by Reggie Miller to put the hurt on his former rival. The code name? Operation Winning Time.

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Sorry for the four-day hiatus. I was in Maui getting tan and drinking margaritas. Yeah, I know. Rough life. Here are the top basketball stories for Tuesday, June 8.

1. The Cavaliers are in hot pursuit of Michigan State icon Tom Izzo. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert is a fellow MSU grad and a great admirer of Izzo’s. The reported offer is five years, $30 million. Detroit News writer John Niyo asks if the contract has a 30-day return policy. You know, in case LeBron chooses to jump ship…

2. Speaking of LeBron, Derek Jeter refuses to recruit him to New York. The gist of Jeter’s argument: “LeBron’s cool and all, but basketball is basketball and baseball is baseball.” The legendary Yankees shortstop thinks New York’s history of winning speaks for itself. He’s got a point.

3. Two things I learned about Glen “Big Baby” Davis today: he shops at Sean John and he wants to win the Finals so he can visit President Obama in the White House. Somebody get Michelle on the horn; tell her to hide the good china.

4. Entertainment billionaire David Geffen wants to buy the Clippers from Donald Sterling. Sterling says hell no, calls Clippers “an asset of remarkable value.” Will the madness never stop?

5. Speaking of madness, Hedo Turkoglu reportedly wants to return to Sacramento. Tom Ziller says thanks but no thanks; unless the Raptors are willing to throw in DeMar DeRozan and the 13th overall pick. I love TZ, but dream on, man. Bryan Colangelo’s a sucker, but he’s not that big of a sucker.

If you’re wondering, my Game 3 Finals prediction is Celtics by 4 in overtime.

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1. Two years ago, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Amar’e Stoudemire, Chris Bosh and Carlos Boozer restored credibility to the national team by winning a gold medal in the Bejing Olympics. But this summer they’re letting free agency take precedent over the FIBA World Championships. At least if you believe comments made by Jerry Colangelo Sunday. (Money over country? Yeah, that sounds about right.) This opens the door for younger guys like Kevin Durant and my boy Tyreke Evans to make an impact for Team USA. Hopefully they can improve on the bronze medal finish of 2006.

2. Speaking of Amar’e, he’s looking to join the so-called free agent summit arranged by Wade. Amar’e has a player option worth $17 million for next season, but will likely opt out in search of a max deal. That brings the grand total of reported conspirators (can we call them conspirators? I think we can) to five: Bron, Wade, Bosh, Amar’e and Joe Johnson. Of those, a maximum of two can sign with any given team (unless they take a considerable discount). Anyone else betting on Johnson as the one left out in the proverbial cold?

3. Sactown Royalty dissects the myth of the “typical” Geoff Petrie draft pick.

4. LeBron joined Drake on stage for some Diddy-esque hype work this weekend. Raptors bloggers immediately took this as an omen that James will play in Toronto, Drake’s hometown, next season.

5. Antoine Walker has finally filed for bankruptcy. Somewhere his gold-digging Basketball Wives ex is relishing the moment, probably over wine with Eric Williams’ (soon-to-be) ex, in a celebration of the NBA groupie circle of life.

1. Hedo Turkoglu had an unfortunate incident in March. (Two words: party machine.) Now he’s all but pleading for Toronto to ship him out of town. Forgive me for not weeping with sympathy. Hedo, you went out on the town. That was your decision. Nobody forced you to leave your house. Take responsibility for your actions and stop asking the Raptors to get rid of you for 20 cents on the dollar. (Side note: shame on you, Turkish T.V. analysts, for suggesting that Toronto fans are on par with Philly fans. Toronto fans are nowhere near as callous. That was a ridiculous claim and I’m calling you on it.)

2. My second favorite subplot of last night’s Lakers-Suns thriller was Ron Artest goading Craig Sager into a shout out for Queensbridge — the first was, of course, Ron-Ron and Kobe’s Brokeback Mountain-esque man hug. Sag’s suits are ridiculous enough. Now he’s being forced into the role of hype man. Even Flava Flav thinks this is shameless.

3. Third-best subplot of the night that was going to be the first until Artest showed up: Alvin Gentry tossing his cookies on the sideline during the second quarter. I was the gym when this happened. I didn’t know whether to laugh or hurl myself from the treadmill like that guy in the ESPN 3 commercial. I truly never thought I’d see the day when an NBA coach lost his lunch in the middle of a game. Unbelievable.

4. Fourth best subplot of Game 5 (yes, there were a lot of great subplots): the feud between Goran Dragic and Sasha Vujacic. For some reason these two guys hate each other. Seriously. They went at each other and everything. It was terrific. I can’t wait until Dragic makes a play for Maria Sharapova and turns this thing into a Slovenian civil war. There’s great potential here.

5. Fifth best subplot of…just kidding. It’s time for a change of pace. Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is up to his usual tricks. This time he’s exchanging favors to AEG (which owns the Staples Center) for courtside seats. If you need to finger a crooked politician, he’s your guy. He’s more crooked than Steve Nash’s nose in Game 4.

1. Dwyane Wade told reporters Thursday that he’ll talk with LeBron James, Joe Johnson and Chris Bosh before making any free agent decisions this summer. This is exciting news. It means the possibility of two or more of the market’s biggest names signing with the same team is increasing and that a new world order in the world of basketball is likely. The meeting between these four superstars, the Free Agent Coalition as I’ve decided to call it, should be taped and broadcast in the fall (after the dust has cleared). I’d love to see what goes on in there.

2. Zach Randolph is coming off his most successful NBA season to date, but he just can’t seem to shake the demons that have plagued him since his days as a “Jailblazer.” Not only was Z-Bo placed under investigation Wednesday for his connection to a major marijuana distributorship in Indianapolis, he was also named in a police report involving a fight at a Los Angeles strip club. Randolph reportedly had no direct involvement in the fight and the drug investigation is ongoing, not final. I’m not going to draw any conclusions yet, but I will say this: Z-Bo seriously needs to rethink who he’s hanging out with.

3. The league rescinded one of Kendrick Perkins’ two technical fouls from Game 5 of the Celtics-Magic series. I’m glad they did. The call was bullshit to begin with and two techs would have resulted in a suspension for Perk, which would have seriously altered the outcome of Game 6.

4. Phil Jackson appears leery of the open coaching position in Cleveland, calling it an “extremely odd situation.” And you know what? He’s right. It is extremely odd for a player who is about to enter free agency to be dictating the hiring decisions of a team. But that’s the rub of the LeBron James Sweepstakes: it’s groundbreaking and odd (not to mention extremely enthralling). I’m loving every minute of it.

5. The Kings have hired Bill Walton to be part of their broadcast crew for a limited (for now) number of games next season. My disdain for Walton as a broadcaster is well documented, but you have to hand it to the Maloofs, they sure know how to pique interest in their small market team.

1. Phoenix’s bench came up huge in Game 4, scoring 54 points and spurring the Suns to a 115-106 win over the Lakers. Leandro Barbosa and Channing Frye led the way with 14 points apiece, but Goran Dragic and Jared Dudley were impressive as well. “Dragon” recorded 8 points and 8 assists and embarrassed Derek Fisher with a drive sponsored by Whirlpool (see video above). Dudley finished with 11 points and played excellent help defense. The bench guys were rewarded handsomely for their effort. Tributes to them, including an awesome poem dedicated to Dragic, dominated the blogosphere Wednesday.

2. Speaking of domination, President Obama dominated Tuesday night’s broadcast of Game 4. Marv Albert and the TNT crew made so many  Obama references (centering around an exclusive sit-down interview he did with them) that I began to think Marv was campaigning for a Cabinet position. During the interview, Obama picked the Lakers to win the championship. Suffice to say, I hope this prediction works out the same as his Kansas pick in March.

3. Eddy Curry is in debt despite making $59 million in nine years. Damn, dude! That’s a lot of cheeseburgers.

4. Curry isn’t the only one hit hard by financial troubles. NBA teams are using some pretty strange endorsement deals to beat the recession. Team-related commodities include Celtics pizzas, Suns toasters and Heat-flavored gourmet coffee. Hey, David Stern, NASCAR called. They want their monopoly on shamelessness back.

5. NBA legend and noted humanitarian Manute Bol suffered acute kidney failure on his way home earlier this month. Join me in wishing him a speedy recovery on Facebook.

1. Debate over: Steve Nash is the toughest player in the NBA (sorry, Kobe). If you thought Nash playing with his eye swollen shut in Game 4 of the Western Conference Semifinals was badass, check out this video of him resetting a broken nose after taking an elbow to the face from Derek Fisher. (How intense is that?) This guy takes more shots to the face than Benjamin Linus, yet he keeps playing (and plays well). No matter the outcome of the Lakers-Suns series, you have to admire his toughness.

2. Speaking of toughness, Dwight Howard finally showed some Monday night, going ape on the Celtics to the tune of 32 points, 16 rebounds and 4 blocks. After pulling a disappearing act in Game 3 (and looking about as dejected as a man can in the press conference that followed), Dwight reportedly found motivation in a phone call from Hakeem Olajuwon. Why The Dream would call Dwight is beyond me. But whatever he said, it worked. Superman is back! (For now anyway.)

3. Red’s Army credits the incomparable Adrian Wojnarowski with a scathing critique of Vince Carter’s Game 4 performance (3 points, 3 turnovers), but when I clicked the link to visit said critique nothing happened. This means either a) Woj took heat for the column and Yahoo! took it down, or b) he never wrote it. I’m going with the former. Hopefully someone can get to the bottom of this. I’m interested to hear what happened.

4. Forwarded to me last night by my buddy Mike Green with the title “Tall Motherf*ckers”: a story about Sim and Tanveer Bhullar, 7-foot brothers from India who are taking over the high school basketball scene. 17-year-old Sim is 7-foot-4, 285 pounds and averages 16 points, 14 rebounds and 8 blocks per game. Tanveer is 15 years old; clocks in at 7-foot-2, 260 pounds; and averages 12 points, 11 rebounds and five blocks. Kentucky, Texas and Stanford are all reportedly in hot pursuit of Sim. I like these guys already. They even have a cool, alliterative nickname: the Brothers Bhullar.

5. Vote now for the next generation NBA Jam catchphrase. My personal favorite: “Objection sustained!” (for a blocked shot)–seems tailor made for Dwight Howard.