Basketball Fiend

Last season was horrible for the New York Knicks. The team finished 23-59; completing a run of seven straight seasons with less than 40 wins. Their highest-paid player, Stephon Marbury, was a world-record-sized headcase. And their head coach, Isiah Thomas, did everything short of murdering Willis Reed to alienate the New York fan base.

The Knicks weren’t just bad, they were miserable. Clay Aiken was more likeable than the 2007 Knicks. Carrot Top was more entertaining. Charles Barkley’s golf swing was more successful.

With the departure of Isiah Thomas (a.k.a. the Most Hated Man in America Not Named George W. Bush) and the arrival of Mike D’Antoni things are looking up for the Knickerbockers. (Even though the Knicks were D’Antoni’s 13th choice, he sure is selling it well).

Despite the good developments, the Knicks haven’t turned the corner yet. There are still cancers left on the New York roster. Namely Stephon Marbury.

When it comes to Stephon, the Knicks are handcuffed.

There’s no way to trade Marbury. He has zero trade value. In fact, if negative trade value existed, Marbury would be rolling in it. He and Kenny Thomas of the Kings would be Negative Trade Value All-Stars.

A release is out of the question as well. There was speculation that the Knicks would buy out Marbury’s contract by the end of the week; given how disruptive he was to the team last season, that seemed like a great idea. But that rumor was squashed on Wednesday. Apparently, Walsh doesn’t do contract buy-outs and Marbury has no intention of taking less money to leave New York.

This is not good news for Knicks fans.

Marbury may be down to 200 pounds. He may be playing with a chip on his shoulder. He may even have a great statistical season. But there’s no way he can erase the damage he did to his teammates last season.

If I did to my co-workers what Marbury did to his teammates last season, they would never speak to me again. Let alone pass me the ball on the perimeter.

There are some serious chemistry issues that need to be addressed here. Unfortunately for the Knicks, Marbury doesn’t seem even slightly concerned about addressing them.

Instead of apologies, Marbury is making statements. Like this one, for example, from espn.com:

“If I’m a distraction and I’m all these different things, why would you want to keep somebody like that?” Marbury added. “It can’t be about the money. If you feel you’re better without me, just let me go. If not, let’s get down to the business of playing basketball.”

That sounds a lot like “I’m here because of the money” and very little like “I’m willing to make this up to my teammates and to the city of New York” to me. But that’s just the way I interpret it.

And then there’s this doozy:

“I’m not coming off the bench here in New York.”

D’Antoni has to be delighted about that one. Ditto for Chris Duhon, the proposed starting point guard for 2008-09. It’s obvious that Marbury thinks he’s calling the shots.

And in a way, he is.

As long as Walsh is unwilling to buy out the $21+ million that the Knicks owe Marbury this season, Marbury has the team over a table. They can’t trade him; because has no value on the open market. They can’t bench him; because he’ll make a big stink and disrupt the team. And they can’t give him away; because there’s a very real chance that he’ll come back motivated and kill them as a member of the opposing team.

So what’s the solution?

A patented Stephon Marbury side project. It’s perfect, not to mention mutually beneficial.

The Knicks need a really good disruption for Marbury; something to take his mind off the team and his lack of involvement on the court. And Marbury loves zany off-the-court ventures. Don’t forget, this is the guy who brought us the Starbury shoe venture (he makes basketball shoes with names like “Marquis” and “Danger” and sells them at a low price to disadvantaged kids), the streetball cameos with Fat Joe for the Entertainer’s Basketball League tournaments at Rucker Park, and, Marbury’s feature show“Stars on Stars” on FSN.

Who can forget his turn as the host who lets the guests run the show?

Think about it. A new venture for Starbury is a win-win. The Knicks get to run their team in peace and Marbury gets to lose himself in another pet project that will be semi-successful. It’s the perfect solution.

Now that he’s conquered television, the shoe industry and the courts of New York, who knows what Marbury will think of next. Maybe he’ll take a cue from Spike Lee and start making racially-explosive movies based in New York City. Maybe he’ll start a late-night radio show that revolves around his penchant for having sex in the back of a truck with random interns. Hell, maybe he’ll even try his hand in the porn industry.

Fact is, it doesn’t matter what Marbury chooses. As long as he gets off the court and stays out of the locker room, any activity is a good activity (as far as the Knicks are concerned).

So pick up the phone, Donnie Walsh. Put in a call to Spike Lee, or WFAN radio, or Vivid Video. For the good of the NBA, and the collective sanity of New York City, Marbury needs a new project!

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