Portland Experience
By: Patrick Crawley
Davis Sports Deli's
The Details
On Tuesday, November 13, I embarked on a road trip with my good friend P-Stein to visit the fair city of Portland, Oregon. Armed with a number of hard-core energy beverages, we zipped through Northern California and Southern Oregon, arriving at 2:00 a.m. at our friend Steve's house in Raleigh Hills (roughly 15 minutes from downtown Portland). From there we embarked on a three-day exploration of the city of Portland, hoping to find great restaurants, an exciting nightlife and dedicated sports fans. Although we found none of those things, we did find some pretty weird locals and A LOT of ambivalent local Portland fans.
Before I launch into an account of our Portland Experience, here are a few details about the city of Portland:
Although not the capital of the state of Oregon, Portland is the state's most populous city with over 537,000 inhabitants. It is known as the City of Roses thanks to frequent celebrations of that flower and a few dedicated rose gardens. For the record, however, the only roses I saw in the city were painted on the doors of state vehicles. Portland is also known for its public transit system, its wide variety of microbreweries and its large population of home-less. In other words: the quintessential Portland experience is riding a Metro full of tattered coats and quirky personalities on the way to a local watering hole while rain pounds the roof.
While Portland's climate is often described as "temperate" or "seasonal" but that is just code. As my friend Steve says, "It just rains here all the time." While we were in town, it did not snow and that is typical. The only inclimate weather is rain and it rains. A lot.
Portland is somewhat famous for having the only different-sided flag in the United States. On one side is the state seal and on the other is a smallish outline of a beaver. The shadow of the beaver shows through onto the seal side and makes the whole thing look ridiculous. Kind of like a third-grade project. Other than that, it's a fantastic idea.
The double-sided flag is just one example of Portland's fantatical obsession with being weird. People there truly enjoy this distinction and even post bumper stickers proclaiming "Keep Portland Weird." In the pursuit of this goal, radio stations play Michael Jackson and Def Leppard in the same set, locals dress in knee-high pirate socks and stores like Spartacus promote the purchase of underwear with thong-clad mannequins in their window. Goal set and acheived. Portland is indeed weird.
According to some, Portland is a thriving sports town. Among the local teams are the NBA's Portland Trailblazers (of course), the United Soccer League's Portland Timbers and the Western Hockey League's Portland Winter Hawks. As you will discover throughout this account, the term "thriving" is more or less wishful thinking in reference to Portland sports.
And, oh, did I mention that Portland has the most strip clubs per capita of any city in the U.S.?
The Portland Trailblazer FaithfulIn the "thriving" sports mecca of Portland, the hometown Portland Trailblazers rank a distant third on the scale of local interest to University of Oregon football and kinky adult stores. Seriously. They love their kink in Portland.
In two straight days of roaming the downtown area, my buddies and I saw only one person in Portland Trailblazer gear. It was cold, he was wearing a Trailblazers sweatshirt and he was homeless. (As Steve put it: "I don't think he had much of a choice what he was wearing"). This is a direct indication of the support that the Trailblazers receive in their home town. There are literally no Trailblazer fans in Portland. It is a basketball ghost town.
I don't know if it's Greg Oden's injury. Or a lack of superstars who can finish near the end of games. Or the fact that Rasheed Wallace, Bonzi Wells and Darius Miles single-handedly killed any spirit that Trailblazer fans had in the early 2000's. But Trailblazer fans simply do not exist. In fact, as far as I could tell, nobody in Portland has even heard of basketball. Nobody talks about the Blazers in bars (the Yankees and the Ducks are much bigger objects of discussion) and nobody shows any type of direct support for Brandon Roy and company. In fact, the Blazers marketing department could probably plaster an image of Jerome Kersey on a banner, label the picture with Roy's name, stick it smack in the middle of the Pearl District and nobody would even bat an eye.
Note to owner Paul Allen: you have one of the youngest and most interesting teams in the league, led by a decent coach, and yet your fans treat the team like it's covered in leprocy. Why the hell are your fans so apathetic? This is a major problem, right?
Sports bars in Portland fly flags for colleges like Oregon and Oregon State (each of which is located at least an hour from the city), but give no love to the Trailblazers. Some establishments even showed support for out-of-town teams like the NFL's Cleveland Browns over Nate McMillan's squad. Ouch.
After a five-game winning streak -- which has since ended -- Portland's main newspaper, The Oregonian, led with a front page story about the team's success. The article hit on Wednesday morning, but on Wednesday night the bars were empty; Portland's match-up against the Denver Nuggets went completely unnoticed. (This coming off of a victory on Tuesday night over the East Conference powerhouse Detroit Pistons, too). At that point the Trailblazers boasted a record of 4-4 despite a very, very tough schedule; a schedule that included road games against the Spurs, Hornets and Rockets plus a home match against the Mavericks.
For crying out loud, Portlanders, it's not like this team is a bunch of stiffs. This is a viable, competitive group of guys. They have last season's Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy -- who is playing out of his mind, by the way. They have breakout star LaMarcus Aldridge posting double-doubles like they were postage stamps. And they have a growing outside shooting threat in former first round pick Martell Webster. It's not like Portland fans have to watch the 2007 Sacramento Kings. The Trailblazers are young, exciting and primed for success; they should have a decent, if not great, following. Yet they are treated like the annoying cousin of Oregon's sports scene. The fans only hang out with them when they have to.
Just outside of Portland's Rose Garden Arena (or, as Portlanders call it, the big white dome that we avoid like the plague) one wall of an industrial building is painted completely black with the red and white with the crisscrossed Trailblazer logo framed in the middle. Underneath the logo is the slogan Rise With Us. The Trailblazers are rising alright. Unfortunately, no one wants to join them for the ride.
Oregon Football Dominates The City
Given the high national ranking of its football program, the University of Oregon is very well-supported in Portland. Visiting the city, you would never imagine that the Eugene campus is located more than two hours away. Oregon gear is everywhere. Cars are decorated with bumper stickers featuring the Oregon "O". Oregon Football t-shirts and jackets are frequently found along the streets. There is even a University of Oregon bookstore, featuring everything from Duck whistles to Feel the Earth Quack t-shirts, on 2nd Street in downtown Portland.
While Portland Trailblazer games are largely ignored in the city of Portland, Duck football games are a major event.
On Wednesday night we stopped at three different downtown bars. Each was as empty as an Iran movie theater showing Brokeback Mountain. However, when we went out again the next night -- Thursday night, the night that #2 ranked Oregon played Arizona -- the bars were littered with Oregon fans. Our first destination, The City Sports Bar, was packed with white, green and gold jerseys (you know, the ones with the corrugated steel pattern on the shoulder) as well as Oregon hats and sweatshirts. The crowd wasn't just watching the game, either. People were loudly involved. One raucous fan repeatedly leapt up from his couch -- yes, they have couches at The City -- to yell at the refs. Others loudly jeered Arizona head coach Mike Stoops. Many left with a few minutes left in the fourth quarter, as Oregon's fate was sealed. As soon as the game was over, The City was practically a mortuary.
Despite a few Oregon State Beaver pennants, which hung from the rafters along with the previously mentioned Cleveland Browns flag, The City was decidedly pro-Ducks. There was no sign of Portland State memorobilia in the bar, despite the fact that the Portland State campus is located about 10 miles away. Walking into The City, you would have no idea that Portland State even had a football program. To put that into perspective, it would be like walking into The Grad on a Saturday afternoon and seeing no sign of Aggie blue and gold but rather a huge crowd of Cal supporters. In other words, local sports in Portland aren't just pushed to the backburner, they're completely left off of the stovetop.
Unfortunately for the people of Portland, it looks like Oregon's season went up in flames on Thursday night. As soon as Heisman-hopeful Dennis Dixon went down with a re-injured knee in the first quarter, Oregon's national championship hopes went from "likely" to "questionable". Without Dixon, Arizona was able to focus on stopping star running back Jonathan Stewart and therefore severely slow Oregon's offense. Back-up quarterback Brady Leaf carries with him the Leaf Curse (yeah, he's Ryan's brother), which really sets back head coach Mike Belloti's title dreams. The younger Leaf is about as effective as the Jump-to-Conclusions mat from Office Space. Leaf throws uncatchable balls, has the mobility of a statue and looks about as uncomfortable in the pocket as you can get. Worst of all, with Dixon now out for the season, Leaf is the starting option from here on out for the Ducks.
Thanks to Thursday's loss to Arizona -- this season's Pac 10 giant-killer -- Oregon falls to ninth in the BCS poll. Looks like Portland's transplanted Duck fans will have to start hanging up the gold and green. With games against UCLA and Oregon State left on the schedule, the Rose Bowl seems like an empty dream for the Ducks; let alone a national title shot. Think it's too late for Portlanders to jump on the Arizona State bandwagon?
The Oregon Sports Hall of Fame
Bored out of our minds in downtown Portland, P-Stein and I decided to explore this smallish piece of sports history. As we walked up to the front doors we had a hard time deciding whether the place was a sports hall of fame or a Greg Oden memorobilia store. The front windows are lined with red, white and black #52 Oden jerseys. The lobby is littered with racks of more Oden jerseys. Even the hostess was wearing a Greg Oden jersey (for confirmation on that one, you can ask one of the four people who visit this place).
After asking the hostess what kind of experience we could expect in the Oregon Sports Hall of Fame, we were informed that the main draws were memorobilia exhibits, a ping pong station and an air hockey table. I couldn't make up my mind whether I was more excited about a vintage Danny Ainge jersey or the bowling alley-style games area so we decided to forgo the $4 entry fee and immediately high-tailed it out of there. On the way out the hostess gave us a familiar look, as though that sort of response was common. I guess the ability to gaze longingly at old pairs of Steve Prefontaine running shorts just isn't the same draw it used to be.
In case you'd rather skip the glamour of the Oregon Sports Hall of Fame, here's a quick rundown of the inductees: dancing whiz Clyde "The Glide" Drexler, renowned virgin A.C. Green, infamous NBA announcer Bill Walton, baseball dynamo Dave Roberts, the aforementioned Steve Prefontaine and Dr. Jack Ramsay. You can decide for yourself which of these should be included and which should be ommitted; but personally I cast my vote in favor of The Glide, Prefontaine and Ramsay (one of the fathers of the NBA). I also vote against A.C. Green (if he's there, why aren't former mid-level stars Jerome Kersey and Buck Williams?) and Bill Walton (for obvious reasons). Also, if I cared a bit more, I'd rally votes for Rick Adelman -- no other coach in Blazer history was more spectacularly above-average -- but only because I have a strong suspicion that the Maloof brothers won't let us recognize him in the Sacramento Hall of Fame.
For the record, former Jail-blazer mega-stars Rasheed Wallace, Sebastian Telfair and Darius Miles were glaringly ommitted from the Hall.
Off the record, I heard a rumor that Nike founder Phil Knight commissioned a full-wall portrait of himself inside the Hall. If you've got some extra time and $4 burning a hole in your pocket, you can pay a visit and let me know. The Oregon Sports Hall of Fame is located on SW Salmon Street in downtown Portland. Don't worry, parents, the Hall of Fame is completely kid-friendly; unlike The Dolphin II in Raleigh Hills, which is a really misguiding name for a strip club.
The Renowned Autzen Stadium in Eugene
On the way home on Friday, we stopped by the University of Oregon; located about two hours south of Portland in the city of Eugene. In contrast to Portland State's football stadium, which is located in the heart of the city of Portland, Autzen Stadium is on the outskirts of Eugene. After maneuvering through a couple of windy back-roads, a gigantic green O appeared, surrounded by a great deal of concrete. This, of course, was Autzen Stadium; home of Brady Leaf's Oregon Ducks.
Lots of signs announced our arrival at the stadium, which makes sense because the place would have been impossible to find otherwise. P-Stein wondered where the "Home of the Nationally Embarrassed Oregon Ducks" sign was. I guess they hadn't put that one up yet (remember, this was only Friday). What they did have, however, was a group of tall poles with black and white images of famous Oregon football players super-imposed on them. Dennis Dixon was on there, and I think I saw Joey Harrington and Stephen Jackson on there as well. Unfortunately, the artists left the Oregon offensive line off of the poles; which is a pretty big shame because those guys are a big reason the team is competitive. Perhaps 300-pound linemen don't fit so well on two-foot-in-diameter poles.
In addition to poles, signs, big green O's and lots of concrete, the Autzen Stadium lot also featured a low-lying, psychodelic building called the Science Factory. The "Factory" was painted in multi-colored Beatles swirls and looked like it had been decorated by the guy who created acid. Needless to say, I was surprised to see it located where it was located -- not so much because of its proximity to the football stadium, but rather because it was so far from Portland, where it clearly belongs.
Since we still had six hours left on the road, we decided not to visit the inside of the Science Factory. Had we explored it, I have a feeling we would have found either a) a large amount of crack, or b) Snoop Dogg's prized stash of sticky-ickey. Parents, please note that I advise against this place even more strongly than I advise against The Dolphin II.
All in all, Autzen Stadium was pretty impressive; if for nothing else than its sheer overall size. Let's just say that it's much, much bigger than Aggie Stadium (note to Greg Warzecka: we have a long way to go). Hopefully all that room gives Brady Leaf a place large enough to store his shame. With a stat line of 22 completions per 46 attempts for 163 yards, 0 touchdowns, 2 interceptions and 3 sacks, I'd say Leaf needs quite a bit of room.
In closing, I recommend visiting Eugene, and Autzen Stadium, if you're into college football. If you're into hard-core drugs, I recommend visiting the Science Factory.
Final Notes About Portland
This concludes my account. Before I let you go, I think you should heed the following recommendations about the city of Portland:
1) If you want a good view of the city, combined with a good meal, I recommend the Portland City Grill on SW 5th Avenue. However, I do not recommend eating there if you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. You will feel out of place. There are power lunches, ties and wine lockers there. Trust me on this one.
2) For a good sports crowd, visit The City Sports Bar or Rock Bottom Brewery downtown on game-day. Just don't visit on Portland Trailblazer game days; there won't be anyone there. At Rock Bottom, stay away from the light beers because you'd be better off drinking straight urine. I do recommend their wheat beer though.
3) There's a bar called Ringers, which is owned by the ever-present McMennamin family (they own everything in and around Portland). It's located right next to the Crystal Ballroom and it's a cool place, as long as there's people there. Pretty good bands like Band of Horses and The Cold War Kids play there; so check it out on a concert night.
4) If you're a big fan of Mexican food, you can forget Portland. But the pizza there is pretty good. Pizza Oasis on West Burnside Street is a good choice; especially if you like the atmosphere of Berkeley. When you're there, order the Daily Ken. I've never had it, but I hear it's super.
5) For lunch, you can't go wrong with the Elephant Deli's soup and sandwich. It's also one of the few places in Portland where you can park for free.
6) If you're a semi-attractive female and your name is Cinnamon, Candy or Summer, you should have no trouble finding a job in Portland. I'm not trying to imply anything...it's just a great, uh, work environment.
7) Other quick recommendations: Voodoo donuts, Oba, Powell's Bookstore and the Dublin Pub (59 different beers on tap!). I also recommend staying the hell away from Spartacus, unless you're into that kind of thing.
That is all.
