The Monsters of March Madness

By: Patrick Crawley

When it comes to the NCAA tournament, nothing is certain. Seeding is important, but it doesn't necessarily guarantee a path to the title. Inspired underdogs can theoretically tear their way through the pack of big dogs and win it all. Regular Season Kings quickly become this week's paupers and Regular Season Paupers can become kings.

In March, what will be will be. The tournament's like a wild animal and there's no leash for this beast.

The sooner you realize that your seemingly flawless system for evaluating March Madness is doomed to fail, the better. No one (not even the experts) can predict what is going to happen. In other words, the NCAA tournament is kinda like Global Warming: you can think about it all day if you like, but there's really nothing you can do to solve it. (Sorry, Al Gore).

What you can do, however, is minimize the damage. And the best way to minimize damage in the NCAAs is to avoid the biggest talents.

You see, when it comes down to it, March Madness is like the original "Jurassic Park". There are all sorts of dinosaurs prowling this island and while most of them worry you a bit, only a select few truly scare the crap out of you.

This, my friends, is a guide to the hardest match-ups in The Tournament. This is a guide to the monsters.

Kevin Durant - "The Velociraptor"

Remember the scene from "Jurassic Park" where the two kids (you know, the ones who never should have come along in the first place) run into the kitchen for safety only to discover that the velociraptors chasing them have figured out how to open doors. In that moment, the velociraptors go from an 8 on the dangerous scale to an absolute 10.

Well, that's kinda what happened with Kevin Durant this week.

As recently as two weeks ago, major publications were beginning to recognize Durant as a contender for Player of the Year. Based on his ability to destroy conference foes like Texas Tech and Texas A&M (as well as small potato schools like St. John's and Baylor), they noted him as a double-double threat and a multi-talented scorer. His defense was questioned, but other than that pundits were giving him a fair amount of credit as an upcoming star.

Then, all of the sudden, Texas played Kansas at Allen Fieldhouse on March 3 and Durant completely exploded. Against Kansas' touted defense, Durant unleashed 25 points in the first half alone. In one of the most hostile road environments in the country. Despite missing a considerable piece of the second half with an ankle injury, Durant still finished the game with 32 points, 9 rebounds and 4 steals. At that moment, the 18 year-old do-it-all forward officially became the worst nightmare of every college coach in the country.

At 25.6 points, 11.3 rebounds and 1.9 blocks per game, Durant is the man that no coach wants to game-plan against this month. Durant can score inside, he can hit the mid-range turnaround jumper and he has unlimited range. When he's on, which is often, he's virtually unguardable.

Additionally, Durant is great on the offensive boards and his tremendous wingspan makes him a credible threat on defense. He can do anything he wants on the court, just as long as Texas coach Rick Barnes doesn't restrict him from getting touches.

In other words, forget about the T-Rex and forget about that one dinosaur that spits poison, Kevin Durant (the Velociraptor) is the biggest threat on the island. New Mexico State should pray extra hard tonight.

Acie Law IV & Jeff Green - "The Silent Assassins"

Sometimes the deadliest players are the ones who you notice the least. The players who quietly string together the 20 point, 7 assist, 5 rebound games. The guys who score when they're open for the first half of a game, forgoing tough shots in favor of freeing something up for their teammates. The assassins who wait until their team needs them the most, then spring out of nowhere to release a flurry of unexpected punches and, ultimately, the knockout blow.

Such is the play of point guard Acie Law IV of Texas A&M and forward Jeff Green of Georgetown.

Law, the key to Texas A&M's ascension to the top of the Big 12 this season, is from the New Kobe Bryant School of Game Control. Law spends the first three quarters of the game creating open looks for teammates, hitting the occasional open look to stop opponent runs and hounding the other team with dogged defense. Then, when the game hits crunch time, he unfolds himself out of nowhere and strikes mercilessly. Again and again and again.

If the game is on the line, it doesn't matter who's covering Law. He'll hit the clutch three. He'll make the crucial steal. And he'll hit every last clutch free throw. The man simply cannot be stopped at the end of close games. If you think this doesn't petrify potential bracket foes like Louisville or Stanford, you're very much mistaken.

Speaking of petrifying opponents, have you seen Jeff Green lately?

Green, the Big East Player of the Year, has always possessed a smooth athleticism, a knack for the high percentage shot and and the ability to dominate the boards, but recently he's really broken out.

In the Big East semi-final against upstart Notre Dame, Green twisted the knife into the hearts of Irish fans with 30 points, 12 rebounds and 2 blocks. He followed that performance with a quietly dominant 21 point, 5 rebound performance the next day in the Big East final show-down with Pittsburgh. Green's great performance led the Hoyas to their first Big East title since the mid-90's and solidified him as one of the most dangerous men in college basketball.

Like Law, Green's ability to dominate is superseded by his desire to operate within the team dynamic. Essentially, he likes to win more than he likes personal success.

As evidenced by his 50.3% field goal percentage, Green knows how to find open looks and doesn't force his offensive game. Like the rest of his Georgetown teammates, Green knows that coach John Thompson III's offense is predicated on teamwork and finding the hot hand and he plays into that philosophy better than almost anyone in the nation.

Taking his cue from JT III, Green plays smart basketball, but that doesn't mean he can't dominate when his team needs him to. Don't let his average stat line (14.1 pts, 6.1 reb, 3.3 ast) fool you, Jeff Green is an absolute killer. In fact, Belmont coach Rick Byrd is probably peeing his pants right now just thinking about Jeff Green and the hurting he's about to put on Byrd's Bruins.

Greg Oden - "King Kong"

There's all kinds of mythical monstrocities that the 7'0", 280 pound Oden could be compared to. But King Kong just seems like the best fit.

Unlike Godzilla, Oden isn't flashy or spectacular in appearance. In fact, until provoked, he's rather understated. His quiet, strong presence makes you afraid but not in the traditional "bolt for the door" sort of way.

It's this quality in Oden that leads his opponents to believe that he's dormant, complacent. But as soon as they enter into his lair (the heart of that dangerous Ohio State 2-2-1 zone), they find that complacence replaced by unparalled strength. Oden leads the Big Ten in blocks with 3.5 per game and his mere presence is enough to drive most would-be penetrators scrambling out to the perimeter.

In appearance, namely with his beard, Oden resembles the mythical Zeus; the monstrous king of Greek gods. However, this comparison is no more apt than Godzilla. While Zeus was impetuous and rash, Oden is anything but. Oden takes his time inside, patiently working the post and frustrating would-be defenders with his herky-jerky hook shot.

Finally, in keeping with the "Jurassic Park" theme, there's no way the Tyrannasaurus is a good fit for the shot-blocking (3.5 blocks per game), board-snatching (9.7 boards per game) Oden. Stubby arms? Pea-sized brain? Harmless jaws? Naw, that's not Oden. Besides, dinosaurs can't grow facial hair and Oden's beard is, by far, his most distinguishing feature.

So, King Kong it is. Granted the stocky Kong has a bit of weight on Oden and his wingspan is slightly inferior, but the King of the Jungle certainly represents Oden's strength and patience. Of course, there's also that mean streak of Kong's to consider. But just ask Tennessee (24 pts, 15 reb) or Purdue (17 pts, 19 reb), when Oden gets heated, a whole lot of carnage goes down.

The mistake of underestimating King Kong is that once you unleash his rage, there's no telling what will be left in his aftermath. Much the same can be said for the bearded seven-foot freshman from Ohio State.

Caleb Green - "The Swamp Thing"

I was initially going to give this particular distinction to Florida's Joakim Noah, but I figured he's taken enough abuse this week in light of his ridiculous SEC championship dance on Sunday. Plus I don't think the Swamp Thing had that much hair.

Caleb Green, on the other hand, is the perfect Swamp Thing.

Green, the 6'8" star forward for Tournament upstart Oral Roberts, is a beast (albeit one that few people have heard of). Statistically, he stands apart from opponents with his tremendous double-double potential (20.8 point, 9.3 rebound per game average) and his uncanny ability to get to the free throw line (a whopping 10.8 free throw attempts per game) and convert (76.6% FT on the season). Physically, he overpowers opponents with his strength and quick feet.

Like Swamp Thing, Green also tends to come out of nowhere; lurking until he senses that an adversary has let its guard down, then beating it senseless. Take, for instance, Oral Roberts' November victory over heavily-touted Kansas. Despite a tough match-up against the athletic Julian Wright and the hulking Sasha Kaun, Green battled his way to 20 points, 11 rebounds and 5 steals in that game.

With victories like that under his belt, "Swamp Thing" Green shouldn't have any qualms about this Thursday's first-round match against stingey Washington St. If there's one thing the Swamp Thing likes, it's an unsuspecting opponent.

Good luck, Cougars.

In fact, good luck to the opponents of all of these March Madness monsters. As we all know, March is hard enough even when you don't have to face someone who haunts your dreams at night.

Just remember, NCAA coaches, when you wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, a little light reading can really ease your mind away from those triple-double Kevin Durant nightmares.

And when it comes to light reading, I recommend the Davis Sports Deli.

HOME