Monsters of March Madness

                            By: Patrick Crawley

 

Players to Fear in the NCAA Tournament

Most experts agree that success in the NCAA Tournament is a product of good play at the team level. Tournament champions tend to excel as a whole, focusing more on their combined efforts than on individual performances. As Kevin Garnett would say, the NCAA Tournament is about "we", not "me".

With that said, there are always going to be players who terrify their opponents; players so intense or strong or athletic that opposing coaches wake up in a cold sweat.

This, my friends, is a tribute to those players. The monsters of March Madness.

 

Joey Dorsey (Memphis) - Luca Brasi

Strength. Loyalty. And an uncommon dose of viciousness. Those are the qualities that Luca Brasi and Joey Dorsey bring to the table.

If you've never heard of Luca Brasi, I advise you to finish this article, open the door to your log cabin and ride the horse-and-buggy to your nearest Blockbuster. When you get there, ask for The Godfather. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.

In The Godfather, Brasi is Don Corleone's hitman; a ruthless killer with little regard for human life. He is dumb and slow and bulky. But he is also extremely valuable in that he is a one-man killing machine. Brasi dispatches his targets single-handedly, needing no accomplices (and therefore leaves no witnesses). In other words, he's a bad-ass enforcer.

Throughout his career at Memphis, Joey Dorsey has played a similar role.

As a 6'9", 265 pound power forward, Dorsey does all the little things that the Tigers need to be successful. He bangs on opposing forwards, knocks down cutters to the basket and just generally intimidates the other team.

Like Brasi, Dorsey has a huge presence. He's often the largest guy on the court and his shoulders are so massive that he could probably give Shaq a piggy-back ride. Opposing players are visibly scared of him. And even the tallest of college centers can't compete with him in the lane because of his incredible strength.

Also, like Brasi, Dorsey is under-handed and ruthless. He beats down opponents whenever possible, a distinction that earns him 2.8 fouls per game. Dorsey is also known for calling out opponents and playing dirty. In last season's NCAA Tournament, he famously called out Greg Oden of Ohio State, only to lose to Oden's Buckeyes.

Despite his questionable decisions, don't be surpised if Dorsey is a big difference-maker in this year's tournament. His toughness and strength make him a near-impossible matchup for most NCAA teams.

At the same time, Dorsey's overagressiveness and, let's face it, his lack of intelligence make him a prime target for the right opponent. Corleone-rival Bruno Tattaglia famously murdered Luca Brasi by nailing his hand to a bar and slitting his throat from behind. Will Dorsey face the same fate against an intelligent big man like Brook Lopez or Kevin Love?

 

Tyler Hansbrough (North Carolina) - William Wallace

Last year I wrote this same article and compared players like Kevin Durant and Greg Oden to more traditional monsters like the velociraptor and King Kong. Those comparisons are cool, because the monsters fit the players. But not everyone can be King Kong. So this edition has more human monsters.

Speaking of which, Braveheart's William Wallace is one of the all-time bad-ass warriors in movie history. Like Tyler Hansbrough before gametime, Wallace tries to live his life in peace, appreciating simple things like farming. But after an English lawman slits his wife's throat, Wallace (a Scot) goes on a crazed rampage, slitting throats, tossing watchmen off of watchtowers and even stabbing one English soldier in the throat with some kind of crazy antler knife.

In other words, Wallace is seriously intense. More so than maybe any other hero in movie history.

Wallace rallies his countrymen with blue war paint, passionate speeches and brutal killing sprees. Even in death, he is an inspiration to his comrades; his dying cry of "Freedom!" inspires the Scots to fight their way to freedom despite enormous obstacles. Wallace is as close to a beast as is humanly possible. His viciousness and disregard for human life are matched only by his loyalty to his people and his intense desire to lead them to victory.

Much the same can be said for Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina's beast-like star forward.

A unanimous ACC Player of the Year recipient, Hansbrough is widely regarded as one of the best players in North Carolina hoops history. When coaches use the term "leave it all on the court", what they really mean is "play like Tyler Hansbrough". Hansbrough is a tidal wave of effort and ferocity. On the boards, he is more of a wrestler than anything else. Whether he's tossing his opponents out of the way in the pursuit of rebounds, scrapping for loose balls or beasting his way to an offensive putback, Hansbrough shows no mercy and spares no expense in crushing his opponents.

He's like William Wallace that way: strong, fierce and never backing down from a fight. Come Friday, I half-expect him to take the court with a face full of blue war-paint, screaming, "They'll never take...our FREEDOM!"

Screaming or not, Tyler Hansbrough is the type of player any teammate can rally behind. He's unquestionably the most ferocious player in the tournament; there isn't anyone with more influence on its outcome.

 

Michael Beasley (Kansas St.) - Kodiak Bear

Despite his dominance, I struggled to find a monster that fits Beasley. I thought about Hellboy, but Beasley is neither red nor hundreds of years old; so that didn't work. The Juggernaut from X-Men is too stiff. And Beast from X-Men is too smart. So that counts out the comic book comparisons.

My friend Brian, a die-hard Kansas fan, suggested Lenny from Of Mice and Men. But I think he was just bitter about the whupping Beasley put on Kansas early in the conference season. Why else would you compare a basketball player to a dude with down syndrome who pets things until they die?

Since nothing really jumps out to me, let's break down Beasley's strengths and see if anything stands out as particularly monstrous. Beasley is a left-handed beast who lumbers around the court, has incredible strength and uses his craftiness to get over, around and through defenders. He has massive arms, a broad chest and powerful legs. As a young kid, he's a bit cocky and has the tendency to toy with opponents. And he's a huge fan of the kids show Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Qualities like these make me think of a bear (other than the Sponge Bob part, of course) and there is no bear more intimidating than the kodiak bear. So the mighty kodiak seems like a good match for Beasley.

Like Beasley, kodiak bears are huge. According to Wikipedia, they can grow to be at least 10.5 feet long and 1,500 pounds, making them the largest type of bear on Earth (along with the polar bear). In comparison, Beasley is 6'10", 235 pounds. While not quite as big as the kodiak, Beasley definitely towers over his opponents, making him even harder to guard. His NBA-ready body, combined with his ridiculous freshman stats, virtually ensures that he'll be the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft.

Like Beasley, kodiak bears are vicious. Other types of brown bears eat fish and plants and wimpy stuff like that. But kodiaks are considered terrestrial carnivores. I don't know what the definition of "terrestrial carnivore" is, but I'm pretty sure it means "destroys, mauls and devours anything in sight", which is pretty much what Beasley did to opponents this season. The talented freshman gorged himself on Winston-Salem (40 points, 15 rebounds), Missouri (40 points, 17 rebounds) and Kansas (39 points, 11 rebounds) this season.

Finally, like Beasley, kodiak bears are rare. They are an endangered species found only on the Kodiak islands, off the coast of Alaska. In other words, finding a kodiak bear is nearly as hard as finding a left-handed freshman power forward who leads the nation in rebounding and averages over 26 points per game.

Despite the weaknesses of his teammates, look for Beasley to take a kodiak-sized swipe at the USC Trojans in the opening round of the tournament this season.

 

Brook Lopez (Stanford) - Big Foot

Many have claimed to see Big Foot, but few (if any) have visual evidence. The same goes for Brook Lopez, the 7'0" sophomore center for the Stanford Cardinal.

Brook, and his twin brother Robin, are little more than legend for most college basketball fans. Thanks to limited national television exposure and a lengthy suspension for academic ineligibility, Brook got about as much national recognition as the NHL and the WNBA this season.

Hell, even professional bowling was on ESPN more often than the Lopez brothers.

Those who know of Brook consider him to be a Top 15 NBA draft pick, a legitimate center with the ability to play both ways. After serving his suspension, Brook posted an impressive 19.2 points, 8.5 rebounds and 2.2 blocks per game. In his sophomore year he has added bulk (he's up to 260 lbs), improved his low-post footwork and started to maximize his potential as a mid-range shooter (46.2% FG, 77.1% FT).

His improvement shows not only in his individual stats, but also in the success that Stanford has had as a team this season. A perennial underacheiver, the Cardinal captured a #3 seed in the tournament and had a number of impressive victories in the Pac-10, including three wins over Washington St., a win against USC and road wins over Arizona, Cal and Texas Tech. Stanford also had a near-upset of UCLA in Westwood, but a questionable referring decision kept them from victory.

Getting back to the Big Foot theme, like the mythic Sasquatch, Lopez is a bit of a loner and has a quirky personality. To put it simply, Brook and his brother are Disney geeks. They spend a considerable amount of time cartooning and know way too much about the origin of Steamboat Willy. If nothing else, this is the quality about Brook that will keep him from becoming a widely accepted basketball star.

How many professional athletes do you know who idol-worship Donald Duck?

At the same time, Brook's competitiveness and desire to improve speaks volumes about his team's chances in the Big Dance. Can Stanford win a championship ring with Big Foot in the middle?