Ed's Weekly Beef

                                           By: Patrick Crawley

 

Chargers are the Least Likable Team in the League - January 15, 2008

If you are a fan of the San Diego Chargers, if you live in San Diego or if you have a family member or a close friend who is on the San Diego Chargers, I advise you to stop reading this article. Seriously, just minimize the window or click away to our Top 25 NBA Players Under Age 25 list or close your laptop or something. You DON'T want to read this piece because I'm going to pull out all the stops to bash SD.

I hate that the Chargers are in the AFC Championship game. I hate that Philip Rivers is getting credit for being "who he is" from his teammates when he blatantly taunted Indianapolis Colts fans while walking off the field with a fake injury. I hate that Norv Turner and his numb-nuts, I-can't-believe-I'm-standing-on-an-NFL-sideline face is getting credit for guiding the Chargers to the next level. I hate Shawne Merriman and his steroid use, which national media outlets have conveniently forgotten. I hate Luis Castillo and his collegiate steroid use, which national media outlets conveniently forgave before the 2006 NFL season. Most of all, I hate that the media can't get enough of the trash-talking angle that the Chargers defenders are pursuing this week.

When I watch Sports Center, I'm pissed off that I have to watch a bunch of 'roided-up Charger meatheads talk about the New England Patriots like the undefeated Pats are a throwaway JV team. I'm tired of watching that Fabio-wannabe idiot Igor Olshansky talking trash about New England when they beat the Chargers in Week 2...by 24 points! Doesn't this blowhard know that Bill Belichick thrives on negative comments in the media?! Ask Anthony Smith, you DO NOT want to give Tom Brady and company bulletin board material for Sunday's game. If you thought that a 24 point loss was bad, just wait until the Patriots put a 50-spot on you in one of the most important games in team history.

Speaking of bulletin board material, how bad do you think Jabar Gaffney wants to ring Shawne Merriman's bell right now for deliberately forgetting his name in Tuesday's interview on ESPN? Not that it matters too much in the bigger picture, but how many touchdown passes will Brady lob over Merriman's ridiculously large dome on Sunday in retaliation to his comments? Three TDs? Maybe four? Will somebody please tell Merriman that he lost his license to talk trash the minute that 5'7" running back Maurice Jones-Drew put him on his steroid-needle-marked ass in Week 11. Don't get me wrong, I like to listen to 23-year-old chemical abusers try to connect sentences at press conferences as much as the next guy. But Norv Turner needs to tell Merriman to shut up before his square-jawed stupidity cashes a check that his team can't cash on Sunday in Foxboro.

But unfortunately Turner doesn't have a bone of leadership in his body, so I don't think he'll be telling anyone how to do anything any time soon. Even his own players won't give him credit for the team's mid-season turnaround. Everyone but Norv himself knows that he is completely incompetent in terms of motivating his team and managing timeouts. Granted, there are plenty of bonehead coaches in the NFL (will anyone ever hire Cam Cameron, for anything, after this season) but Norv's game-mismanagement takes the cake. Take my word on this. By the 8:00 mark in the fourth quarter of this weekend's game, Norv will have already used up his last timeout. You can take that one to the bank.

There's not much I can say about Norv that some other capable writer hasn't said already, but the guy who really gets my anger going is QB Philip Rivers. Is there a bigger ego maniac in the league than this guy? Rivers' shouting match with the Indy fans this past Sunday and his hesitancy to re-enter the game after a questionable injury are just footnotes to the 300-page book I could write about Rivers' legendary jackassness. After falling back awkwardly onto his ankle in the third quarter and aggravating a pre-existing injury, Rivers marched along the sideline, as close to the field-level seats as he could get, and hurled invectives at the Indy fans on his way to the locker room. Soon after Rivers re-emerged and JOGGED back to the Charger sideline. Following that hundred-or-so-yard trot, Rivers proceeded to stand on the sidelines and watch career back-up Billy Volek attempt to lead the Chargers back from a four-point deficit in the fourth quarter.

Throughout the entirety of the fourth quarter Rivers was bouncing around the sideline like a school girl as his replacement Volek was on the field giving Charger fans their biggest heart attack since the So-Cal fires, yet never once did Rivers indicate any kind of desire to get back into the game. Never once did the camera catch him with that look in his eyes; you know, the hungry look, the one where you can tell he can't wait to get back under center and lead his team to victory. Even after LT glared at him with that "If you didn't have such a golden arm, I'd drown you in the steam bath" look, Rivers didn't even seem to consider re-entering the game. For crying out loud, Rivers (you jackass), your team is one quarter away from elimination against the second-best clutch player of this generation -- Peyton Manning -- and you're just sitting there, cutting it up with teammates who pretend to be your friend but secretly despise you because you're the biggest douchebag since Ryan Leaf.

And people wonder why I hate the Chargers?

How can you not hate a team whose greatest player (Tomlinson) cries like a baby when his team loses (in the 2006 AFC Divisional game) and proclaims classlessness when the victors mock a stupid celebration dance (the "Lights-Out" dance) made popular by his steroid-fueled, idiot teammate (Merriman)?

How can you not hate a team whose prima donna quarterback may be the only human on the planet less mature than Dunbar from the Real World?

How can you not hate an organization who fired a semi-incompetent head coach (Marty Schottenheimer) who led them to one of the greatest seasons in team history only to replace him with an even more incompetent head coach who has never won anything signficant at all and who has failed miserably already with two other franchises (Turner)?

How can you not hate a team whose linebacking corps is anchored by a known steroid user and whose defensive line is anchored by a known steroid user as well?

People keep referring to the Patriots as the villains of these playoffs. They still talk about Spy Gate, as recently as last week. They bash Brady (undeservedly), Belichick (somewhat deservedly) and Rodney Harrison (very deservedly). But when it comes down to it, the Chargers are the true villains of this generation. They are a bunch of cheating, whining, weak-hearted incompetents. Their best players sit on the sidelines while back-ups try to preserve the season for them. Their coach looks like he couldn't capably manage a microwave dinner. Their management is headed by an owner (Alex Spanos) who can build a billion-dollar real estate empire but can't hire a competent head coach. And their best defensive player has zero class and even less common sense.

The Chargers will lose on Sunday, and what's more they will probably lose by a wide margin. When they do, I'll be cracking a fresh beer and drinking to the demise of this group of chronic losers, wimps and rule-breakers. I can't wait to see the look on Philip Rivers' face when he loses by 40+.